Simon Love’s Film Jukebox Thing

A Hard Day’s Night

Or how I imagined being in a band would be. Liars. One day I’ll make the indie Hard Day’s Night. It will involve not getting soundchecks, being bumped down a bill because another band brought the drums, sleeping on floors, not getting paid, late night service station stops, playing to 3 people in Stoke & the never-ending battle to get your mix CD played next in the car/van. I could’ve picked any Beatles film for this list as they are the best band that ever was or will be.


The Monkees attempt to smash their image & get cool results in them losing all their teenybopper fans. I saw this late one night on S4C on a portable black & white TV. Back in the 1950s. They never looked cooler than when they’re playing “Circle Sky” all in white surrounded by screaming girls. Except for Davy.

The Wicker Man

I still get creeped out by the hand of glory. It wasn’t til I watched it with the commentary on that I realised that it was the hand of the old woman Sgt Howie’s sat next to in the library when he’s reading about pagan rituals, who then dies, & is in the coffin he opens when looking for Rowan. Her right hand is missing. Do you see?

Harold & Maude

I think everyone I’ve shown this film to has fallen in love with it even if when I explained the premise of it (an 18 year old boy’s relationship with a 79 year old woman including sex) they balk. By the end they’re either crying or singing “If you want to sing out, sing out & if you want to be free, be free”. For more examples of Bud Cort’s ossum-ness see Brewster McCloud & The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. He looks proper old in that one though.

Star Wars

As much as I hate the triple-chinned, badger haired, one idea stretched out over a lifetime director George Lucas for raping my childhood with Episodes 1-3 of the “saga”, my first real memory of going to the cinema was being taken out of school early one Friday afternoon to go & see “Return Of The Jedi” with my dad. He told the teacher I had a dentist appointment just so there wouldn’t be any queues or other over-excited children hopped up on Kia-Ora & Butterkist. I remember sitting next to a boy I’d never met & immediately getting into a conversation about the programme for the film that we both had. I was disturbed to see that unboxed SW figures were going for $12 each in a Brighton flea market last weekend. My mother gave away all my figures & an At-At, the Millennium Falcon, an X-Wing & a Snow Speeder to a friend about a year before they all became collectable again.

Back To The Future

After Han Solo, Marty McFly was the person I most wanted to be when I was young. I had a sleeveless body warmer (maroon & white rather than orange though) & begged my parents for a skateboard. Instead I got a hi-fi. The year after when I finally got a skateboard it was wonky & when I leaned left it went right & when I leaned right it went left. I also ripped the nail off the little finger on my left hand after I rolled over it when sitting down on the board along with Matthew Lane. Who was a big fellow. Like all right thinking people the 2nd part is my favourite & in 2015 I will begin wearing my clothes inside-out.


Like the film equivalent of a garage band, I saw Mallrats first but immediately went & got this on video. Why is Jeff Anderson not a huge star? The scene where he’s reading out the titles of the films he’s ordering (“Cumming In Socks”, “Girls Who Crave C*ck”, “Girls Who Crave C*nt”, “Men Alone 2- The KY Connection” etc) is a million times funnier than anything Adam Sandler’s ever done. But then again an orphan being injected with cat AIDS & then being set on fire is a million times funnier than anything Adam Sandler’s ever done. I like all off Kevin Smith’s films including Jersey Girl.


Or pretty much any Wes Anderson film. There’s something about the symmetry of his shots that appeals to me. & the Futura font. & the soundtracks are always amazing too, much better than Justin Quarantino’s. This one was co-written by Owen Wilson, whom I am gay for. Also when you’re next on youtube look up Anderson’s American Express advert “FRANCOIS!!!”


I bought this because I had £15 burning a hole in my pocket & I liked Michael Cera in Arrested Development but now I think it’s the film I’ve watched the most over the last few years. I don’t think I’ve seen it for a while though as the last time I did, I was told of for speaking along with every character. The lazy comparisons of this to the American Pie films are way off. All of those films are sh*t even if they do have Eugene Levy & the woman who says “Thank God for the liddle trains” in “A Mighty Wind” in them.

The Sasquatch Gang

I bought this because it was £1.50 & had the wonderful Justin Long in it (for more examples of his wonderfulness see his cameo in Zack & Miri Make A Porno) Turns out it’s a mini-masterpiece pitched somewhere between the young adventures of Napoleon Dynamite & Pulp Fiction. The Loves watched it on a night off in Leeds & for the rest of the weekend “Crap off!” & “This bark smells” were shouted to the bemusement of everyone who wasn’t us.

Honourable mentions must go to “The Blair Witch Project”, “Starship Troopers”, “Southland Tales”, “Anchorman”, “Knocked Up”, “Snow White & The Seven Dwarves” & “Double D POV”


About tuppencetop10

This blog lists the top 10 Tuppence Magazine stories from its music, film, TV, books, video games, stage, food & drink, politics and fashion sections.
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